Stars – Kumara – Chapter 6 Part 4

After my apparent slight to Amethyst, our dinner was spent in silence. Garron tried to start a few conversations, but neither Amethyst nor me responded so even he quit after a few attempts, consuming his food in sullen silence.

"Yes, yes, good night, I suppose," Garron muttered as he left for bed, slamming the door behind him.

I gave him a wave as did Amethyst who sat by the hearth, her back towards us. Hanging up the washing cloth I headed towards my room, feeling the strain of being out and about for most of the day.

"I'm off for the night as well," I said.

She did not reply, not even with a wave. For a few seconds I stood in doubt whether I would continue with my plan or head over to Amethyst and have a conversation I dreaded more than anything. Although I could technically run away forever, Tyria was large enough.

I sounded a lot more like an asura than I would have liked.

With a deep sigh, I moved over to Amethyst and sat down in one of the chairs near the hearth. Her eyes shot my way for a fraction of a second as she pretended to ignore me. Thornfang had reached our bedroom door already, and for a moment he looked at me before entering the room.

"Why does it bother you that much?" I asked Amethyst.

She looked at me with indignation.

"I don't need your protection. I've done just fine by myself."

"I know, I know," I said rubbing my brow. "I just... don't want to lose you too."

Her scowl relaxed a bit as she turned to look at the fire.

After a few seconds she said, "I won't die anytime soon."

My claws dug into the wooden handrails of the chair as I ground my teeth, looking away from her.

"What?" she asked.

"That's what my warband said, too."

Her ears flattened against her head as she looked at the floor. For a few moments neither of us spoke and an awkward silence fell.

"Kumara, I'm not them."

"I know," I said in a whisper.

"And I know you're not the same as you were then. The mistake you made then, it won't happen again."

"How can you be so sure? I certainly ain't."

"Look at all the other things you have done since then. Can you honestly say you'd do the same? And even if you did, you did what was smart."

"Not what was honorable."

"True, but you're still here and that counts for something."

"Like what?"

"Well, captain Tot would be dead without you."

I grunted in annoyance as I knew that I could not refute that. However, Amethyst was not finished yet.

"And then there was that group of asura—"

"Krewe."

"That krewe of asura that you saved. Also, you helped out in Caledon Forest. And helped the norn. So yes, I think you did the right thing back then. You've done so much good since."

"So you don't mind at all what I have done?" I said with a growl in my voice, baring my teeth.

For a few seconds she stared at me, a thoughtful look on her snout.

"I do. What you did was, indeed, dishonorable. However, you've done more than your best to repent for what you've done. So, I won't hold it against you."

There was no way I would have accepted her opinion if she had thought nothing of what I had done. But, she agreed with me that it was wrong, yet still accepted me. That meant more to me than I could ever put into words.

After struggling for while, I asked, "Why?"

"Hmm?" she said.

"Why do you put up with me? Despite the things I've done, despite how I act to this day?"

"Oh, you mean the whole overprotective, secretive and snide part of you?"

"Eh, yea... that. Thanks for pointing it out so specifically..."

"I could do without the overprotective part in all honesty. The rest, though? That's who you are and I wouldn't change it."

"Why not?"

She sighed, arched her brows and gave me a tired look.

"Do I really need to spell it out?" she asked.

"Spell what out?"

"That I love you, you silly."

"You what?" I blurted.

She shook her head and stared once more at the fire, leaving me to my confusion. Never, in a thousand moons had I thought anyone would say that to me. Ever. Even back in the warband, I never loved any of them like that, nor did anyone love me that way. Lately in talking with Garron I toyed with the idea of making Amethyst my mate, but I thought those ideas could only ever be dreams. Fantasies.

After a few minutes, I said, "I thought I was just your eye candy..."

"At first," she said without shifting her gaze. "But that changed onboard the Serendipity."

"Why?"

"Because I saw that you could be more than a grouchy guy in a rush."

"Hey, I wasn't... I mean... No, no I was. You're right."

She turned to me with her eyebrows raised. "Well, look at that," she said, grinning. Then she became all serious and said, "What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel about me. Burn me, sometimes you're as thick as a dolyak."

"Well, now that you've said that," I said with a frown and a grin.

She threw a pillow at me which hit me right in the snout.

"I deserved that," I said, putting the pillow down. "And an excellent shot, too."

"Stop avoiding the question Kumara!" she thundered as she shot up, towering over me.

Shrinking into the chair I looked her in the eyes. Never before had I seen her so angry, so imposing, so... vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," I said.

Thornfang poked his head through the doorframe, but I gave him a quick sign that he should go back to inside.

"I'm not used to talking about things like these. And I'm avoiding the question again," I said with a sigh. "Not doing it on purpose, mind you. I've been thinking about how I feel about you for a while now and I think... I love you..."

She stood there, her jaw set harshly. "You think?" she said. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Look, Amethyst, the problem is that I don't feel... worthy. Worthy of you or any kind of happiness."

"Will you ever," she said, arching her eyebrow.

Placing my head in my claws I said, "I don't know."

She put her snout against mine, lifted up and held my face with her claws. Her eyes were closed, so I closed mine as well. It made me all the more aware of the warmth of her body, the feeling of her fur against mine. Breathing the same air. It was intoxicating in a way, but terrifying as well.

"What about my happiness?" she whispered.

"That can't be dependent on me," I whispered back.

"In part, it is. I really love you, Kumara. I love how we can joke around and be serious as well. How you are willing to help me with my shop, and how willing you are to help in general. Not to mention how much I love your body," she said sultry.

I chuckled under my breath. "You're the worst."

"You know it."

She pulled her head away and looked me in the eyes. There was so much emotion there that it nearly shot out. It comforted and suffocated me at the same time.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I need some time to think," I said with a grunt, fearing what she would say.

"Alone?"

Not the question I expected.

"You can join me if you want to," I said.

Judging from her face, not the answer she expected.

"What are you going to do, then?" she said with a confused look.

I stood up and walked downstairs, through the back door and lay down on my back in the little amount of grass that was still there. After a few seconds she stood next to me.

She angled her head as she stared at me. "What are you doing?"

"Stargazing."

She looked up to the sky for a few seconds before she lay down next to me. For a minute we did not say anything.

After a while she became fidgety, so I said, "Whenever I was confused about something, I would look up to the sky. Sometimes, when she was in the citadel my mother would join me."

"You're mother? She took interest in you, then."

"She did her best. Most of my 'band mates' weren't as lucky with their parents."

"What about your sire?"

I made a non committal noise.

"So what did your mother do?"

"Hmm?"

"Well," she said. "You said that she would join you when she was in the citadel. What did she do for a living?"

I turned my head to look at her. She was serious.

"Sometimes I forget that you were raised here, away from charr culture."

"Hey!" she snapped.

"Sorry. Away from most of charr culture."

She rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

"Anyway," I said, "her warband were miners in east Ascalon. She was so proud when my warband became soldiers. One time we even had to patrol close enough that we could pay her a visit."

"How is she doing now?"

With a scowl, I said, "She died in a cave-in caused by human saboteurs."

"I'm sorry," Amethyst said. She remained silent for a few minutes before she said, "Did you go stargazing with anyone else?"

"Hmhmm. My warband mates. Mostly Allia."

"Who was that? Sounds like a female."

With a chuckle, I said, "She was. Well, her body was. She was our legionnaire and my closest friend."

"Just a friend?"

"Is that jealousy I sense?"

"Absolutely," Amethyst said with a growl.

"Just a friend," I said, suppressing a chuckle.

For a few minutes we stared upwards in silence. Sounds of the sleeping city could be heard in the background, but as I looked up to the heavens they faded away. The stars reminded me of embers in a forge, of the sparks flying from the flames, of the little specks in Amethyst's eyes that I had not noticed until earlier tonight.

I reached out my claw to grab hers, squeezed gently and said, "I love you too."

Her breath seemed to catch.

With some trouble I said, "I... I don't know if I can make you happy. If I can be the charr you deserve. There are so many worries, so many insecurities inside of me that I'm afraid that I'd let you down. But I'm willing to try. If you'll have me, if you're willing to take the risk."

After a few seconds she said deadpan, "It would be more risky than going out and taking on the risen assaulting the city."

"Yea, I know," I said with a slight smile. "You never know when I might try and return to my dragon master."

"I didn't know there was a dragon of being edgy?"

"Hey now!"

We both laughed for a bit before silence once again settled between us. Every time it did, it became less awkward. At least that's what I thought.

Amethyst squeezed my claw. "I'll suffer the risk," she said softly.

---

List Of Recurring Entities:

The following is a list of characters—apart from Kumara, Thornfang, Garron and Amethyst—who have made an appearance before this part, sorted by order of appearance. With all the different stories on CoT, I understand it is hard to keep track of all the characters.

Serendipity: cargo ship belonging to the asuran captain Tot.