Welcome children, WELCOME! Today is a truly advantageous day, for you are all just in time to hear one of my favorite stories. A perfect story for such a time of year, for I am about to tell you all a very merry tale indeed, but first I must tell you about a little town which is inside a not so little planet that is a part of a not so little universe! Anywho, our story takes place inside a world named Tyria, and inside Tyria there is the continent which is also named Tyria. Well if it ain’t broken don’t fix it, I always say.
During this time of year Tyria is filled with festivities packed with joy and mirth. What are the festivities for? Well if you sit you bum and shut up you would have gotten to the part where I cheer “IT’S WINTERSDAY!” But you’re just that impatient aren’t you, now we have to settle with a reveal that is partially a scolding. Now this would be the part where you say, “but what is wintersday, oh great narrator?” and I would reply with “Shush while I explain inquisitive urchin!”
Wintersday is quite the exciting holiday indeed. It is a holiday where great heros go out and open presents while completely disregarding a rather alarming situation involving elder dragons. Where we poison a grawl to death over a course of three days so that we can retrieve the valuable ornaments that belong to some orphans, but instead of giving them back they are destroyed for precious purple goo, and let’s take their tree and star while we’re at it. A time for taking a perfectly good sweater and tearing it up, like seriously, who does that? But most importantly, it is a time where cute princess dolls can show off dance moves that bring all the norn to the yard, because damn right sister, they’re better than yours. You can sit there and judge, but guess what? They don’t give a skritt! Speaking of skritt, we have taken a rather large serving of off-topic cookies. As tasty as they may be, we must return to our story.
Now our little story begins by following a young skritt by the name T’chok. Now T’chok was an adventurous little fellow, always wandering off to search for new shinies, until one day something seemed off.
“Well I say!” He pondered to himself in words that were probably not as eloquent. “I wonder what that large floating golem is doing over that hill.” Overwhelmed with curiosity, T’chok leaved his cosy skritt hole and scampered over to the very top of the hill his home was under.
It was certainly a sight to behold, children. It was none other than the floating balloon of toymaker Tixx! T’chok marveled at the sheer size of it, wondering what it was like inside. Then suddenly FLASH!
Yes children, you should jump, for this was very startling for T’chok as well. The big floating blimp had blinded the poor skritt and before he knew it, he was somewhere else. Inside of the toymaker’s Infinirarium. It was all so confusing for the poor skritt, there was snow everywhere, other skritt building toys, scary princess dolls walked around like they owned the place. It was horrifying children!
I would imagine T’chok said something along the lines of, “I say! It does appear that I am in quite the quandary.” At this point no one could really blame him for freaking out and panicking, right? Well that was indeed what T’chok went on to do, scurrying around like a crazed…well, rodent. After his panic, he found that perhaps it was best to seek aid from his fellow skritt brethren.
Now children, I’m sure you expect that T’chok got to the bottom of this mess once he approached the first toymaking skritt he came across. Well prepare your tiny little hearts because they are about to shatter.
“Don’t be fooled, T’chok!” said the skritt. “Leave while you still can! Abandon this wretched realm of despair or abandon your freedom. Allow us to fester and wallow in our own torment for it is already too late! Escape! What are you doing standing there? Get out of here!” At least that’s what I think the gist was. After hearing our helpful toymaker skritt, he proceeded to find a way to hit the road! However, no matter how hard he tried, T’chok just couldn’t find a way out.
It has been six hours and I have not been able to find a way out of this accursed blimp! I have managed to blend in with several of my comrades in the hopes of blending in with the toymakers and deceiving those horrid princess dolls. I have reached my last resort, writing down my journey on a scrap of paper to preserve my sanity. It is also a good way to waste time, since my fellow brethren will be departing to other duties shortly.
It has been a worrisome time in this floating snow globe, already I find my mind slipping towards the fringes of madness. My belly aches for food, and the next meal will not be distributed for another hour! so now I only have gingerbread cookies to live off, I may not survive for much longer. I long for the days when I lived in Skritsberg. Where there were so many shinies, and cheese.
I reebembr when a big Noorn think that I look cute and she give me cheese. I would like cheese and not all these cookies. I luv cheese in tiny tringles because they easy to eat and r yummy. I woonder if ther is cheese in here. T’chok getting hungry. Evil princess doll coming, T’chok must be incogneto. I keep write later.
It turns out that they did indeed serve cheese during dinner time, so there was a small glimmer of light in this dark pit of oblivion that T’chok found himself in. Which goes to show you that even in the darkest of moments, you can always hope for cheese.
T’chok knew all was not lost, so with new found vigor he began to search the Infinirarium one more time. While trotting about, avoiding the dastardly princess dolls, he noticed quite a spectacle forming in the middle of the workshop. Toys began to scatter about, shoving down tables and throwing tools. Being the smart skritt he was, T’chok decided to hide. It was chaos children, utter chaos! The Ventari toys were were kicking down the workers, the soldiers shot their cap rifles, you can take out an eye with those you know? The toy golems were giving out unpleasant shocks, the plush griffons pecked at everything and left their plush poop all over the place and of course, the princesses were screaming. Screaming a bloodcurdling scream that shoved you into the darkest recesses of the mind. Finding no hope, nor solace, only darkness and despair. All consuming with no hope of salvation. It was truly terrible children!
All was not loss, however! As if answering the inaudible cries of the workers, the heroes of tyria appeared! Adventurers of all shapes and sizes, charging in to vanquish the dastardly toys. Parts flew into the sky, dolls were burned to ashes, and toy soldiers were smashed into splinters. It was a bloodbath! Except instead of blood there were shavings of wood and wads of stuffing. Avert your eyes regardless, children! For such violence should be omitted from your innocent minds. T’chok looked at the massacre with new found hope, however. For he concluded that perhaps the heroes of Tyria would feel sympathy for him after hearing his tale.
So the valiant skritt sprung from his hiding place and began to scurry towards one of the heroes. He noticed that in his hands was a sort of strange gun, he sprayed it on the unpainted princess dolls that were acting unruly. With a pull of the trigger they were covered in just the right colors and no longer found the need to be such a pain in the hindquarters.
“What a curious gun,” wondered T’chok to himself, then he saw a group of rowdy skritt in the distance, no doubt taking advantage of the chaos to do some dastardly deeds of their own. He could hear their cries in the distance.
“Break everything!” they said as they charged towards one of the heroes. The large norn wielding the gun aim towards the skritt and fired. What T’chok saw struck horror into the darkest depths of his soul. The rowdy skritt were transformed into princess dolls. Such a scene caused T’chok to stop, reassess his situation, and scream like a savage raptor while running as fast as his legs would carry him!
Now that was certainly a turn of events, children. Why would the revered heroes of Tyria do such a thing? T’chok thought of no worse fate than to become the very embodiment of despair and cruelty that inhabited this world. Even the elder dragons paled in comparison to the horror that was the princess doll!
Content with hiding for now, T’chok decided to distance himself from everyone for now. Finding an empty toy crate, settled in to write another one of his journal entries.
Preencess! Preencess bad! T’chok do not want to become Preencess toy. T’chok need a plan to get off big floaty thing. Friend’s coming back, T’chok will ask them.
After a brief audience with my allies I have come across some vital information for my escape. I have acquired information on an important flaw on this accursed ship. there is a loose panel that the staff has neglected. I shall use it to fashion my escape, the only problem is getting back on the ground without suffering injury. I have stolen a sack to help me gather something that will help me with just that.
Now children, I’m sure you’re all eager to see T’chok gather his missing item needed for his escape. But I’m just going to leave you out of the loop until he finally gets to use it, now doesn’t that sound much more exciting? Just say yes and don’t question me. I am the storyteller here!
Now our brave skritt friend scurried over to the loose panel on the aircraft. T’chok was slow when trying to pry open the panel, for the object in the sack was acting up and trying to escape. Our skritt fellow acted quickly and made sure to keep a firm grip on the sack, making sure nothing would escape its opening.
T’chok proceeded, slowly creeping out the opening. The gust of wind coming out from it was intense, it would set your hair back and ruin your style in mere seconds, children. The skritt searched around for a possible spot to latch onto, fortunately the Infinirarium had several beams of metal on its exterior, just the right size for T’chok to grab on to. With one hand holding on to the sack and the rest of his extremities traveling lower down the outside of the aircraft, our valiant skritt began to travel further downward.
Slowly but with a steady pace, T’chok ventured forth. Every step had him trembling, fear of falling off and making a colorful splat on the floor. Despite everything, T’chok stole a glance at the land around him, which mind you, children, is ill advised. Don’t look down when hanging from a distance that can turn you into a splat!
Bad ideas aside, he was graced with a wondrous sight, Divinity’s Reach! The human city had welcomed Wintersday with open arms. T’chok was in awe of the splendor before him. People ran about from bellow like tiny ants, large spires of buildings sprouted from everywhere and machines spat out snow in different areas of the city. If we weren’t telling this story from that exact city I would go on and on about how wonderful it looked!
As marvelous as it all was, T’chok had an objective. He continued, holding on for his dear little skritt life. He just needed to be a bit lower so that he could try his plan, and hopefully it would be successful. And if not, KERSPLAT! Now kids, do try not to picture what a skritt falling from a thousand feet in the air and coming to a sudden stop would look like. Instead picture T’chok, the bravest skritt out there, hanging from the Infinirarium and releasing the sack.
As it fell the toy within immediately shot out of the opening. A plush griffon. T’chok acted quickly, releasing himself from the Infinirarium and reaching out for the griffon. His tiny skritt paws managed to to latch on to the griffon’s feet and they both began to plummet to the ground. Now they were falling at quite the alarming rate, fortunately, the griffon’s desire to escape was greater than its desire to fall along with the crazy skritt holding onto its feet. It began to violently flap its plush little wings, and surprisingly, their descent was traveling to a crawl. Now do not question how a plush toy is able to fly children, that is the magic of toymaker Tixx, don’t question it! What is important however, was that T’chok’s plan had worked! He and the griffon began to slowly glide down to the city. Onlookers began to point and wonder what the heck that strange looking figure flying down onto the pavilion was! Was it a bird, an imp perhaps? No, you silly buffoons! The observers were made aware of their stupidity when they saw the skritt landing safely on the pavilion, citizens that had stopped to watch the spectacle stood staring agape. Especially the Asura that was handing out gifts to nearby children.
As soon as the skritt released the griffon, the toy immediately flew over to the asura of all people. T’chok began to wonder why, he expected it to simply flee off into the sky. He even saw the asura hold out his arm and the griffon gently wrapped its plush talons on it. It took a moment for T’chok to realize that this asura was none other than toymaker Tixx! He stood frozen, not quite sure how to respond. The asura looked at T’chok in complete surprise, then up to where he came from.
“You came from my Infinirarium?” He asked the skritt. T’chok nodded in response. “But you don’t look like one of my workers, how did you end up in there?”
T’chok then began to tell the toymaker about his tale. How he was abducted, how the horrifying princess dolls unsettled him and how the skritt workers had helped him escape.
“Skritt workers?” Said the toymaker startled. “No, that can’t be right! What has Toxx done now?” So then the Toymaker began to explain the situation to T’chok. It turns out the workers weren’t the skritt after all, but stowaways planning to ruin Wintersday. And Toxx, being the malfunctioning sort she is, decided to recruit them as workers, which was how T’chok was dragged into this mess. Thanks to T’chok, Tixx was able to resolve the issue and get the remaining skritt off of the Infinirarium. Our skritt hero had saved the day!
As a reward and a form of apology, Tixx took T’chok on a ride to deliver presents through the city. It was a wonderful experience with smiles to be had, treats to be eaten and presents to be open. By the end of the day, T’chok had been returned to his home, and with a new griffon friend to boot. And that was the story of T’chok’s wintersday adventure.
There you go, children. You had your story, now run along, I have important things to do. Like getting my hands on enough alcohol to intoxicate a whole city of norn! I sometimes wonder why I put myself through such things.